Anger Management Distortions: Over-Generalizations

Any problem can be made to look bigger or more important by using words like “never,” “always,” “nobody,” “everybody,” etc. This is a way of making an occasional occurrence feel like an intolerable ongoing even. By exaggerating, you go way beyond the truth of the situation and set yourself up for an angry response. Couples counselors often teach communications that avoid cognitive distorted words.

Examples of Overgeneralizing:

• She’s always doing things like that to make me look bad.
• Nobody seems to know what they’re doing around here.
• You’re never ready on time, so we’re always late for everything.
• Everybody is always asking me to do them a favor.

The best antidote for over generalization is to make a conscious effort to look for exceptions. Realizing that people act in a variety of ways makes their behavior less upsetting. Ideally, you want to avoid using generalizing terms as much as possible, so it helps to use accurate and specific descriptions of the situation. For example, “This i the second time you’re late this week,” instead of, “you’re never on time.”

Coping Thoughts to Replace Over generalization

• No need to get upset. Just focus on the facts and I’ll get through this okay.
• I want to be accurate. How often has this really happen?
• Generalizing always makes things worse. Just relax and things will calm down.
• This doesn’t always happen this way. There are lots of exceptions.

There is a special case of overgeneralize that is worth mentioning. It’s when you thing in terms of black and white only, with no grays in the middle. Everything falls into one of two polar opposites: things are 100 percent right or wrong, good or bad. People either love you or hate you, with no room for anything in between. This kind of dichotomous thinking often leads to anger when people behavior in less than perfect ways. Since they’re not entirely right, they must be all wrong. Or, since they’re not acting friendly toward you, they must be your sworn enemy.

One way of dealing with polarized thinking is to get into the habit of using qualifying adjectives and adverbs such as “a little,” “a lot,” or “somewhat.” This will serve to reintroduce shades of gray into a black-or-white world. Another strategy is to try to see people as the complex, confusing, and often contradictory beings that they really are. By looking closely at a person you despise you may be surprised to find aspects of their personality that you like, and other aspects about which you feel at least neutral.

Excerpt taken from “The Anger Control Workbook: Simple, innovative techniques for managing anger and developing healthier ways of relating” by Matthew McKay and Peter Rogers.

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Kevin Leapley, MA, LPC, CSAT

Sexual Addiction Therapist at Front Range Counseling Center

Kevin Leapley specializes in both marriage counseling and sexual addiction therapy for men. Kevin has received specialized training by Dr. Patrick Carnes and obtained his CSAT (Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist). Kevin has also received extensive training in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and is a certified Emotionally Focused Therapist .

Latest posts by Kevin Leapley, MA, LPC, CSAT (see all)

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• Anger Management Distortions: Overgeneralization - December 3, 2016
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