Marriage Counselors & Sex Addiction Therapists

Trust Your Gut in Deciding About Relationship

By Steve Marks, MA, NCC, LPC on Sunday, November 20th, 2016 in Marriage Counseling. No Comments

Denver Relationship TherapyTrusting Your Gut

When you meet someone and are challenged are sexually attracted, it’s always important to learn to stay centered and listen to your gut in the early stages of being with someone. This isn’t easy in the midst of hormones surging, but it’s essential to make healthy relationship decisions.

Dr. Judith Orloff MD wrote some tips in Psychology Today. Here are some of her tips to help you keep your presence of mind when you’re attracted to someone. This needn’t pull the plug on passion, but it’ll make you more aware so you don’t go looking for trouble.

Four Negative Gut Feelings

FOUR NEGATIVE GUT FEELINGS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS (from Guide to Intuitive Healing)
Watch for:
1. A little voice in your gut says “danger” or “beware.”
2. You have a sense of malaise, discomfort, or feeling drained after you’re together.
3. Your attraction feels destructive or dark.
4. You’re uncomfortable with how this person is treating you, but you’re afraid that if you mention it, you’ll push him or her away.

How To Identify Inner Voice

“Over the years, I’ve spoken at women’s prisons and domestic violence centers. My talk, “How Listening to Your Gut Can Prevent Domestic Violence,” focuses on showing women how to identify and act on their inner voice. The gut senses a potential for kindness and violence. Many women who’d been in abusive relationships admitted, “My gut initially told me something was wrong–but I ignored it.” The pattern was consistent. They’d say, “I’d meet a man. At first he’d be charming, sexy, sweep me off my feet.

The electricity between us was amazing. I’d write off the voice in my gut that said ‘you better watch out’ as fear of getting involved. When later the abuse began, I was already hooked.” Some gut instincts though, are anything but subtle. On a first date, one woman landed in the hospital with an IV, retching from “psychosomatic” abdominal pain. But did that stop her from seeing the guy? No. From these women we gain a real-world lesson: no matter how irresistibly attractive someone appears, close attention to your gut will enable you to see beneath exteriors.

It’s so much nicer to be involved with someone your gut likes. Then you’re not always guarding against a basic suspicion or incompatibility. You must also give yourself permission to listen to your gut when it says, “This person is healthy for you. You are going to make each other happy.” To be happy, take a risk, but also pay attention to the warning signs I presented. This allows you to wisely go for the fulfilling relationships you deserve.”

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Steve Marks, MA, NCC, LPC

Steven Marks specializes in both couples/marriage counseling and sexual addiction couples recovery and therapy for men. Steven has received specialized training in relationship/marriage and sexual addiction counseling.  He is Clinical Director for Front Range Counseling, an outpatient mental health clinic in Denver and Littleton Colorado.

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