Anger Management Decisive Action

Sometimes, you need to take action in a situation without becoming explosive (or being passive aggressive).

For instance, after weighing your options you might choose to quite your job, or fire an employee. If you are abused by your husband you might choose to leave home and stay with a friend. Decisive action is not done out of anger or spite, but rationally looking and deciding that this is the best action.

You might be a parent who, instead of losing your temper over telling your children to pick up their toys for the 10th time, decides to give a calm consequence and do something about the problem rather than just yelling.

Or you might be a person who decides to enforce some personal boundaries instead of staying in a bad situation and letting your anger build. You might choose to hire a lawyer to deal with a situation, or withdraw your child from a school.

Action To Solve Problems

The bottom line is that you take some kind of decisive action–not mean action, and not action that is meant to hurt someone. Just action that is meant to solve the problem.

Pros and Cons

It settles the issue and takes care of the situation. It shows that you can do something and focuses on what you can do, and not what the other person needs to do. It is empowering because it gives you an option and keeps you from being the victim.

But it can be hard to think creatively of what to do. It can be hard to take action without becoming angry. It can be hard to think of what you can do in your situation. And there is a danger that decisive action, when done poorly, can turn into passive aggression.

An Option That Doesn’t Work

When looking at solving their problems. A lot of people don’t like any of these options. They prefer to try another option.

• “I’m angry because I was wronged by my wife. I need to get her to stop wronging me and I’ll be fine. How do we do that?”
• “I’m angry because I think my boss is a jerk. If he would treat me with a little respect I wouldn’t get so mad. Can you tell me what to say so that he won’t be a jerk?”
• “If my employees just did what they were supposed to and stopped acting like idiots I wouldn’t get angry at all. How do I get them to do that?”
• “I’m mad because my kids don’t listen to me, and I’m the parent and I deserve respect. So how do I get them to listen?”

These statement s are common, but flawed. Do you see what’s wrong with them? Maybe some of them sound familiar. I hear lines like this every single day.

To be fair, there is some truth to this reasoning.

But it’s not going to work. Trying to change someone else (or waiting for them to change) is not an option of what you can do to deal with your anger.

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Michael Ballard, MA, LPC

Counselor For Anger Management at Front Range Counseling Center

I am an anger management counselor at Front Range Counseling Center, an outpatient clinic in Denver that helps individuals and couples with anger problems. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Colorado. I provide counseling services for individuals, couples, and families who struggle with anger. I developed The ASCEND Method® for anger management, and have used this method with men and women, adults, teens, and children. I have also authored various workbooks, training manuals, and articles and has been published in The Washington Post.

Latest posts by Michael Ballard, MA, LPC (see all)

• Anger Management Direct Confrontation Don’t Dos - February 10, 2017
• Anger Management Step: Gaining Awareness - January 13, 2017
• Anger Management Options You Don’t Have - December 24, 2016
• Anger Management Option: Decisive Action - December 10, 2016
• Anger Management Poor Self-Care - October 1, 2016