“Today, we have cracked the code of love. We now know what a good love relationship looks and feels like. Even better, we can shape it. For the first time, we have a map that can guide us in creating, healing and sustaining love.”
~Dr. Sue Johnson
EFCT is based upon attachment theory, which maintains the belief that humans are created for strong emotional bonds with others. Problems in a relationship come from the experience of being emotionally disconnected and what develops are cycles of criticism, anger, and withdrawing. The goal of EFCT is to teach couples how to work through the negative cycles, learn ways to reestablish connection, and be purposeful in strengthening the emotional bond.
EFCT provides a proven therapeutic path to create and restore a close emotional bond (connection) in your relationship. Emotional bonding (attachment) is one of our deepest human instincts and a basis for our survival. Feeling safe with and mattering to our spouse or partner is a cornerstone of how we see ourselves and how we relate and connect to the world around us.
The work of couples in EFCT includes building trust into the relationship. The goal is for the partners to risk reaching out to each other and experience trust that the other partner will be there to respond lovingly. For example, if the husband believes he can speak to his wife about his feelings and she will lovingly listen to him without criticism or defensiveness, he’ll be more vulnerable with her about his desire to connect with her again in the future. In this situation, the husband doesn’t need to put any armor on because he fears her response. His wife has become a safe place to share deep feelings and emotions. Understanding what each person needs and also what they fear and the importance of emotional responsiveness in the relationship attachment is the key to building great relationships.
“A relationship is a dance—and the rhythms and habitual steps of the dance have their own momentum—can take over. In EFT, we look at the dance you are caught in and how it leaves you both hurting and frustrated. We help you step out of your negative dance and create a new dance that is safer, closer, and more satisfying. We talk about emotions a lot because they are the music of the dance—we help you understand the signals you send that might make it hard for your pattern to come close and help you send new emotional signals that pull your partner towards you and help you dance together in harmony.” (Johnson, personal communications, n.d.)
EFCT was formulated in the early 1980’s by Dr. Susan Johnson. It is backed by a substantial body (30 years) of empirical research of its effectiveness: 70-75% of the couples move from distress to recovery, and approximately 90% show significant improvements. Dr. Susan Johnson’s book about this model of therapy written for couples is Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.)
We welcome you to give us a call to schedule a counseling session with an expert, caring marriage counselor from Front Range Counseling.